Betrayal

I have reached my 1 month anniversary as a case manager! So much has happened in the last month. I have met new people, new clients, new tasks. I am still learning. I am learning about the position and the people. 

I have to keep my guard up because people are shady. I recently read this meme " A listening ear is a running mouth." I have to remember this motto because it tends to get me into trouble. When I believe someone has good intentions and really wants to be my friend I quickly find out that is not the case.  I have to be guarded against new people. 

When I am around new people I am very reserved. I like to people watch just to get a vibe of who they really are. You never truly know how someone is until you've known them for at least a year and even then people change. Some people change in good ways and others change in bad way. You may find someone who you thought you truly knew ends up being the most shadiest person you'll ever meet. You may realize you're best friend has betrayed you and you can't look at that person the same ever again. 

Betrayal is one of the hardest feelings to over come. Once you have felt betrayed you build this wall against everyone. You don't know who to trust or who to believe is there for you. You over analyze everything to make sure you don't get hurt in the end. I have had my fair share of betrayal and it was and still is hard to rid myself of that feeling. I am guilty of over analyzing everything because of my past. I have been through some crazy situations. Many of my relationships end because of betrayal. That is one feeling that I will never be able to forgive and forget. 

How can everything seem to be coming together and yet feel as though my life is falling apart?

I am finally in the position I need to fulfill the requirement needed to qualify for the Federal Probation office.

I should be happy but I can't help this feeling that something just isn't right. The new position is different and working with different people. Some of the people I just can't get a gage on. Some days I feel like the outsider and others I feel as though I am accepted.

It could just be the stress of everything else that has blurred my happiness or it could be the damn holidays

I am beginning to dislike the holidays more and more every year. I am sick of stressing out over what the plans are going to be, what to get the kids, and where to put the damn tree.

I seemed to have lost faith in believing everything will work out.

Oh you know the New Year New Beginning thing

It has been a while since my last blog. I miss being able to write down my thoughts. So much has happened in the past year. I am closer to finishing my Master's Degree. I am not allowing people to attempt to run my life any longer. I am going back to the person I enjoyed most. The person who followed the motto Everything Happens For A Reason. All the crap that has happened in the pass 6 months with my car had me stressed out of my mind to the point I was in constant argument with my husband over a.....car. Stress is the root of all evil.

Happy New Year!!!

As we embark on the New Year beginnings I begin to wonder why do we celebrate New Year and have this need to get completely obliterated by the nights end?
Why do we "make" New Years resolutions only to never stick to that promise of change year after year?
We all know those who say "oh this is my year," "my resolution is going to the gym," "I am going to start eating healthy" just to never follow through. There are those who go to the gym religiously only to find as the New Year approaches the fitness gym is overflowed with these "new comers" which make their gym routines stressful.
I haven't made a New Years resolution in a long time because I know if I make this grand promise to myself only knowing after a month I will have broken my promise to myself. Each year begins and my hope is for my family and friends to be healthy.
This year is no different than the last. Life will have its ups and downs. If you chose to change yourself you can't make an excuse as it must be for New Years.
You want to change you must want to change that day. NO EXCUSES.
One thing I am guilty of is I start on my quest to a new me  only to fail 3 week later. I have been successful in eating healthier and getting my fitness on track. I realized why I fail often is because I take on too much, make excuses, and eat excessively. I know what I need to do to get back on track and I am going to do it. Not because its New Years but because I want to be healthy. I want to be fit.

I want to be Happy. I am going to be Happy. I will be Happy and no one is going to rain on my parade. I am the only one who can change myself for the better. I am the only one who can control my actions. I am a Spartan! Hear me roar!!!

Faith in everything

I know when I am stressed out I have lost my Faith

Things were very stressful for me for the past few months. I started a new job the next day my job at the school ended, and I started a business. My new job is my stepping stone to get to where I want to be so I can have a career and be able to pay for my children's college when the time comes. Things got a little out of hand with school and the new job. I was covering someone else's hours as well as mine and missed an assignment and normally I would stress it and allow it to ruin my day but there was nothing I could do about it as it was over with. All I could do was make up the work.

We were faced with a decision recently and we tried to jump on it but I don't think Faith wants us to follow through with the decision. It made us depressed because it was what we had been longing for but it wasn't panning out. We know when the time is right everything works in our favors.

The new business is something I had wanted to do but allowed fear to lead me away from it. I decided a few months ago to make a decision to begin my business. The first month was a little hairy but it all worked out and it is successful at the moment. Then as the next month begins I am getting stressed that it isn't going to pan out.....and you know what I am okay with that because I need to make sure I allow Faith to lead my life and not my life lead faith. Recently a friend of mine posted something to my Facebook wall and it was inspiring and made me realize I had yet again allowed my life to lead faith and that is why I have been stressed.

Watch this link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJD5-R_HPCc



The info to my new business is I am now a fitness motivator......soon to be a certified instructor.....however in the meantime I run free online fitness challenges with an incentive to win.
If interested in learning more sent me a message or follow me on any one of the social medias

let me know if you've seen my lost mind

As always life is a bit hectic and there are times where I feel like I have lost all control and I am drowning in the chaos.

Here is an update

Finished my internship with the Federal Probation
Stated playing softball
Started a new job
Became a Beachbody Coach

Each time I say I won't take on anymore I add another onto my plate. School is killing me. I haven't been able to do anything, I don't hang out with friends, I hardly have any time with my family, and I have no time for myself. My days off are spent doing homework the entire time.

This is how bad it is
I forgot my husbands birthday.

.....well almost.....I was reminded by him 2 days before his birthday. I had planned nothing and bought him nothing.........I know I am a crappy wife lol.

Hey easy with the comments, I rectified it by having a small bbq with our friends...and Logan finally was able to see his baseball teammates. Logan tried to convince the boys that they want to spend the night and not go home....seriously lol

Each day I come home and say what have I gotten myself into.......oh I forgot the most important part. I haven't rode my bike for sheer enjoyment in.....shoot...... about 2 months......that's serious stuff hahaha

What keeps me going is in the end I know all this craziness will all be worth it in the end.


~Happy Reading~

Everyone has that one type of friend

I love all of my friends that are in my life

One particular person in my life has been there for me for the past 6 years

I would call on her and talk to her about any argument I have with the hubby

And would you know she has never and I mean never taken my side on the arguments

She always tells me I am in the wrong and why I am in the wrong

And once I look back on the argument I find I am in the wrong 95% of the time

Our relationship is sort of funny because the way we connected was because I ruined and I mean ruined my hair and when I walked into work she demand I came to her house because she needed to fix it

It took over a year to fix the mess I called hair

Most people go to their hair stylist and tell them what they want and the stylist does as the client wants......not mine......mine tells me flat out no and does something else that I love more than my ideas

There have been times where I have convinced her to chop my hair and as soon as it happens no sooner do I leave I inform her to never....never...let me do that again

She protects my hair from myself


Happy Birthday to my therapist, financial advisor, hair stylist, relationship counselor, and one very very dear friend of mine

A little bit of change each day is okay

Life is full of obstacles and either you can choose to hurdle or you can stand there

I choose to hurdle as much as I need to get to where I want to be and once I am there I will continue to make new goals

There are many times when I just feel like stopping and not wanting to do any more hurdles because I feel like I have done enough however after reading this book called the Sight Edge I am learning I will never stop jumping the hoops because I will never be satisfied until I have completed my goals

I thought that once I would get to my career I would be done but then I realized I have life goals and I know each goal I make there will be challenges

I always thought I wasn't never the competitive type yet in reality the competition is myself and life

I know I am not at my goal weight and I know my poor diet choices are getting in the way however I have learned.....again thanks to the Slight Edge.......it is okay for those slip ups I just need to work twice as hard and not beat myself up

Lately I have been getting frustrated because I am writing more papers than I ever have in my undergrad but I can't continue to bitch about it I have to accept the challenge and push through while maintaining my goals

I am learning that I can't continue to allow others to defeat our purpose or bog us down with their problems anymore

Jeremiah and I can't continue to take everyone else's problems and try to fix it for them....

Our problems have never been just fixed by other people because when we are in trouble we fix the issue ourselves and sorry to say but other people need to grow up and accept their life challenge and handle it on their own without the help from us

Yes I have screwed up many times in my life and I have owned up to it
I am not perfect......far from it
I screw up my finances from time to time and yes Jeremiah has to bail me out however we are husband and wife and when we have money troubles we handle them we don't go running to someone else to bail us out
I know recently I have taken on more than I can chew but in the end I know it will work itself out

For the past week I have had a sinus thing going on which kept me from working out daily and at first I was beating myself up for it and thought if I just pushed through the infection I would be alright however one day when I tried I became lightheaded and felt so weak and that was when I realized I can't just push through there are just some illnesses that require rest and I have learned from the Slight Edge it is okay to accept change


At the end of the day I can lay down knowing I have done everything in my power for the day