Tuesday, June 18, 2013


Fear is the one emotion that can cause people to unravel.
I have been crippled by fear many times. It is also the driving force for me to really think my decisions.
Right at this moment I am stuck because of fear.
I fear the unknown which causes me to have high anxiety. The unknown is the worst because I like to plan for any situation or outcome that will happen in a decision that I make.
I fear change, never knowing if the change was for the good or the bad.
I fear of failing at everything so it causes me to not take chances often. I don't want to fail at getting my Masters degree so I am holding off until I know that I can complete it.
I fear that my children really don't understand that the choices that we make for them are for what we believe is best. Lexi right at this moment is the one I am struggling with. I try my hardest to get her to understand that she can't please everyone and at some point she will piss off everyone and she doesn't understand that since she loves everyone.
I fear of losing my best friend who is responsible for where I am today. If not for him I wouldn't be marring my one true love. Him and his wife will be moving away. I was having a hard time with it at first when I found out, even though we don't hang out often I always know that they are just a short drive away. On a positive side we will have someone to visit on our next journey to FL.
I fear for my siblings on both sides. My older because we were treated much differently from myself. I will have to say that I was treated better than they were. It caused our relationships to be different. I feel like we are always distant. As for my younger siblings I wish we were given the opportunity to have been together. Then maybe our relationship would be different as well. There are times that I feel like we are distant from one another as well. However I know that no matter what time of day it is I can call on all 4 and know that they would be there for me. I fear that the sense of family was never instilled on either side.
I fear that I never know if I am making the right decisions in any situation. As I always plan for the worst possible outcome and plan for the best possible outcome and hope that no matter the outcome I will accept it.
I fear of losing everything. Losing my kids, Jeremiah, house, friends, everything in my life basically.
I fear that I am a failure at times especially when I can't control my eating due to stress and at this point I need to control my eating so that I will look beautiful in my wedding dress in 2 1/2 months. I am a stress eater and when things are happening out of my control I stress out which contributes to me sabotaging everything I have worked hard for.
I fear that my younger sibling is going through some tough stuff that no woman should ever have to and there is nothing at this point in time that I can do to help, yes I can be there for her emotionally but I can't help her physically or financially.
Fear is what keeps me out of trouble.
Fear is what keeps me thinking rational