Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Halloween is approaching

I love Halloween about as much as I love Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and Valentines Day....
Why do you ask? Yes that's right CANDY and FOOD!!!!

No seriously I love Halloween as it is the time of year that I get to dress up and go to parties and have spooky drinks. This year I am a Masquerade girl and <3 it!!

This will be the first time in 12 years that I will be handing out candy. Yes I am going to be handing out candy so you people with children better come visit lol. I am actually excited to partake in this for the first time and see all the little children and their costumes.

I made sure get lots of candy to be prepared for the festivities. The kids and Jeremiah keep dipping their dirty little hands into the bowl and taking a piece here and there. Brats :)
Well I hope that everyone has a safe and fun Halloween!!!! <3 ;)

~Peace out~

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Need to break out of this funk

I don't know what gives. One minute I am high on life and love everything about my life and the next I have this odd feeling and not sure what to make of it.
Is it stress?
Is it depression?
Could it be that I hadn't worked out for a week and haven't been eating healthy?
Is it my menstrual cycle?

It could quite possibly be all of the above.

I talked to my Grammy today and that made me feel good. I need to get home to see my family asap. I sent her a photo book of our wedding and that was the first thing we talked about.  I miss my Grammy but with the way things are looking I may not be able to make it home for a while. It breaks my heart that I can't go see her whenever I want too. She maybe the one and only person who truly understands why I had to leave. We talk about where my life would have gone if I stayed....it wasn't promising.
I don't regret leaving, if I didn't leave I wouldn't be where I am now.........struggling to get into a career. I think that is where all my stress is lying at right now. The fight of the unknown. I put in 100% to get what I want but there are times where it is out of my hands. I don't make a plan B because I want to know if plan A pans out and goes in the right direction, if not I plan for B. I know what I want and where I want to be in life.

I love my life and where I am at the current moment however it isn't where I want to be.

Can I manage a full time job, full time school, and do an internship? All the while being a mom and a wife?

Im good at school but I am afraid that I am piling too much on my plate and I will get down on myself if I don't have good grades. The internship is only for a short while but the question I am struggling with is should I jump to try to do the internship now or wait a year? I don't want to pass up the opportunity while I have the chance and since I will be fresh into classes I should be able to juggle it all.........Right????

I think I need a good cry

Thursday, October 17, 2013

You think I am crazy now......just wait until January (insert cynical laugh here) hehe

Well it is official...... I start school in January!!!! EEEEEKKKKKKK

I am also going to be put on the list to interview for the Probation office for the internship!!! Woohooo!!

Now here is where the crazy part kicks in, not only will I still work my current full time job, also go to school full time, and do the internship (if I am accepted, keep fingers and toes crossed)!! Yup I hopped aboard that crazy train and I am going to ride that bitch all the way to the end!

The only reason I know I can do this is because of the the support group that I have backing me. Jeremiah my main man is the one who supports me the most especially now that he will have to pick up the slack. Then there are my Regional 7 co-workers who are always pushing me (Julie B) to finish schooling while I have the chance too. They also accommodate to my stress level (when I am loosing my mind looking like a lunatic, they give me a break). My friends are my main cheerleaders telling me to keep going because the reward is great at the end. Especially my friend Kristin V, she has been the one to encourage me to continue and knock it out now. My bestie Jamie has always been there for me during the crazy times and is always willing to take the kids for the night when I am drowning in school work and paper deadlines. But my main reason for doing all this craziness, are my children. They are the ones who I am truly doing it for. I want them to have a better life than myself and their fathers. I want them to know that they need an education and a career to make it in life. When they complain about school I remind them that I graduated with my bachelors at the age of 31 when I really should have graduated with that at 22.

I will push my children and people can say what they want about how most who do have an education still don't have jobs. In my opinion what I have noticed are those who do have an education background and can't find a job in their field within reasonable driving distance are confided and can't fulfill their dreams. You have to be willing to make the sacrifice to move to another location, but most aren't able due to certain circumstances. For instance if you own a home you'd have to sell it before moving, you'd have to have the job before moving, and you'd have to have another place to live once you reach your destination. These are the reasons that I explain to my children the importance of going to school, finishing, and obtaining a career before it's too late. I tell them the importance of not having children too early (like me) because it puts you in a position (like me) and you just feel stuck.

I however don't have the ability to just up and move. I have restraints on being able to do so, I couldn't (as much as I can't stand the other parent) just up and take my kids away from all that they have known. Don't get me wrong Jeremiah and I have plans to leave state in the future but it just isn't a viable option right now(or in the next 10 years). Most are in the same position as I am. Some have other obligations. However if you don't have obligation than you should be willing to do just about anything (short of selling your soul) to land that dream job even if it means moving across country.

So here is my fair warning. If you see me walking down the middle of the street in my pjs holding my school books ranting about deadlines please bring me to my rightful home and put a straight jacket on me lol.

~Peace Out~

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

He's gone like a bird in the sky

It takes him leaving for me to realize hoe much I rely/depend on him. The troubling part is I don't know if it is a bad or good thing....................

He does more for our famy than I realized. He makes me eggs every morning, makes sure we have enough milk for the next day. If I run out if bread he goes and gets it for me, as well as yogarts, and Monsters. Yesterday was rough. We have spent time without each other when I go to NY or VA to visit but this is the first time he's left me.

It hadn't been 24 he's since he left and I was depressed and couldn't stop thinking of him. I am thinking of this in a positive way. Now I know how it feels to be left behind. I know we are meant to be when we miss each other when one is away.