Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!

Today is Halloween and many birthday's around the world. My little sister's birthday is today as well.
I enjoy Halloween because it brings joy to me to see the look on my kids faces when they have learned that the parent use the children to get free candy. bahahaha

When we took the kids to Trunk or Treat we told them that we added a parent tax, gas tax, and stand in a long line tax. They didn't seem to find this funny. My oldest is getting older and becoming more independent.. Yay for me!!

In all seriousness I can't wait to send her off to college. One less child in the house and more mommy time! People say "that's what you say now, just wait until they are gone you'll miss them." Of coarse I will miss them, I'll miss having someone around to do the dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, and their own laundry. I won't miss the constant arguing between sibling and parent, complaining of having to clean their rooms, complaining that they don't like what is for dinner, oh and my favorite how there is nothing to snack on when clearly there are snacks.

See I did it all wrong, I had kids before I had me time. But is it truly wrong? My kids will be out of the house in less than 10 years while most are just having children or have 16 years to go. I see it as being in my prime when they will be out. Are you considered too old to play beer pong when your 42?

I like to have fun (all the time) but I don't like going out to bars to get smashed. I would rather be at my house having friends over, that to me is fun. The only benefit of having 2 baby daddies is that both of my kids leave to their dads on the same weekend, so every other weekend I get my mommy time. I don't have family here so that means no sitter. So my party time is when they are gone. See that to me is what makes me a good mom. I don't drink or make plans when I have my kids. Now I am not judging those who don't have the benefits that I do. Everyone needs "me" time but it is how often and how you do it. I don't like hearing about those who go out drinking every weekend while they aren't spending any time with their children, those are the bad parents to me.

So now today is Halloween and many little critters will be roaming the streets getting cavities for their dentist and sugar high's for the parents. Please teach your children to be safe during this happy time and enjoy your Candy Tax!!
                                           ~Peace Out~

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Sleepless night due to hurricane

One thing that I dislike about storms is losing power. We lost power yesterday at 5:30 pm until 4 am this morning. I don't care about not having television but I care about not having fans. See my cuddle buddy sweats a lot and it doesn't matter if it is dead of winter. So I have become accustom to having two fans on at night. We have one by the window to pull in the cool air and one at our feet to keep us cool. It was so quiet last night that I could hear everything outside moving around. My mind starts running and I can't sleep. It was peaceful last night when the storm from the hurricane passed, it was a full moon, the clouds were moving so quick, and it was unexpectedly warm. It was pretty neat to see. Now I am barley able to concentrate on what I am doing. So it looks like early bed for me. I will attempt to try to stay awake for Sons of Anarchy because I am addicted to this show. It has gotten serious to the point that I dream about it.

Well its another short one so
                                             ~ Peace Out~

Monday, October 29, 2012

My cuddle buddy

<p>Well we officially lost power at 5:30 pm. It stinks but we are safe. Good luck to everyone who is effects by this Hurricane Sandy. May you stay safe.</p>
<p>I don't like being in this state of craziness. I have become so accustomed to technology that even right how I have been hooked on Facebook catching any action or info that give me an insight as to what is happening. I blame society and myself for this. We have become dependent on this technology that many "freak out" because it means out of power and uncertainty of what's going to happen. I realize those before us didn't have power and they seem to have adapted  to that just fine. They knew how to survive regardless of technology or not, because if they hadn't we wouldn't be here. Right?
This power outage causes us to remain in one room and converse with one another. It also means more cuddle time with my cuddle buddy. After 6 years we still cuddle every night. It is so bad that we search out one another to touch (non sexual people), usually our legs are touching. Its a cool feeling knowing that I found my one and only. It took moving to CTand having 2 kids to find him. 4-Ever & Always

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sunday Fun day

I like Sunday's because that means laundry....... yes poor sarcasm.  hahaha

Really I do like Sunday's because it is my relaxation day. I may be doing laundry from wake up to bed time and despise having to fold the laundry and tell Logan a 1000 times to take care of his clothes correctly and have to make sure that I watch him do it or else all those clean clothes miraculously end up back into the dirty laundry. He will try to convince me that his basket that is full 3 days later is full of dirty clothes that he has worn, and me being the investigator just tip the basket over and see neatly folded clothes sitting on the bottom. His reaction "What?" This boy drives me bonkers. 

So my typical Sunday consist of cleaning, laundry, homework, yelling, oh and now I will add blogging to that list lol. I really like blogging and any help that I need I have a blogging guru to turn to for help.

The one thing that you may have noticed that doesn't happen on Sunday's is football. We are not football fanatics in this household. My son is and will watch it when the stupid Cowgirls play. Yes even though we aren't into football doesn't mean I still can't talk s**t. I have gone to a live NFL football game when the Cowboy's played the Giants and that was cool but I don't understand why people make it a priority in their life to watch every game their team plays. I guess I can relate because I make sure to watch my favorite TV shows when they come on. For instance we have spend our past two weekends catching up on the Sons of Anarchy show. 

Well today will be a short to eat breakfast!!

Enjoy your Sunday!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Trunk or Treat?

All I have heard about is the possibility of a hurricane named Sandy paying us a visit. Now last year we were hit with a snow storm so bad that it knocked out the entire state for several days to over a week in some parts. Then Halloween was canceled. I know how do you cancel Halloween simple it was postponed for the following weekend. Now here's the absurd part of it all...... they had people Trunk or Treating!! What the hell is that?!?! It means we go to a designated spot with our children in tow all dressed up and go from one vehicle to another collecting treats. Does anyone else see an issue here???? Well let me enlighten you why I find a problem with this.

Here goes.....
Why the hell are we taking our children to a person's vehicle to get treats? Regardless that it is for Halloween. We as parents teach our children not to go with strangers even if they offer us candy but yet we are taking them to collect candy. Anyone else see an issue?

Well maybe it's because I am neurotic or the fact that I was almost taken not once but twice. True story. The first time was in Florida and I was 5. Now my mom had this thing about packing up on a whim and just moving to Fl. This particular time she did it with just me and left my older siblings behind. My mom worked for a arcade/bar and had a friend who would come and get me from school if my mom couldn't. Well this one particular time both my mother and my sitter weren't there so I waited out front of the school on the curb. This woman pulls up in a silver car and tells me that my mom had sent her and for some reason I knew she was lying because I never seen her before. She started to get out of her car I got up and went screaming into the school yard and ran around back, crying and hoping she wouldn't find me. I mean there weren't many places to hide but I was 5. After what seemed like forever I heard my mom yelling my name and I came out running and crying some more and told her what happened. Now you would think I learned from that right??? Wrong!
The second time I was 9 and lived in NNY in an apartment complex called Ontario Village and I loved it there, I had friends, a yard to play in, and just seemed safe. Well one summer day I am outside alone just playing in the community yard when a older man approaches me and begins talking to me as if he has known me forever. He goes on to tell me how he has candy and a new puppy, my eyes get all starry with excitement. I mean CANDY + PUPPY who wouldn't resist? I felt safe, how could something happen to me in my own area? Well I began walking away and I am half way there when my mother comes out screaming at me to get away from him and get my ass in the house.  Boy did I get in trouble.
After that I learned bad people can be your next door neighbor. Please make your children understand the dangers and the difference between accepting candy when a parent is present versus when one is not.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Drugs plaguing the young generation

I don’t understand what is happening.

When I was a child I learned early on the effects of drug use on people. Of course it didn’t stop me from trying things. I knew the risk I was taking in “experimenting” and I knew how wrong it was to do so. I guess everyone has that wonder of what it’s like to try it. Many family members were alcoholics and I have seen things that someone as young as 12 shouldn’t have seen. Of course my older siblings seen more but I knew that the way that others acted on it I wanted no part of. Well that all changed when I was 17. I enjoyed getting drunk with my friends, having parties at my home, and just the way it made me feel all warm and tingly. You have to remember I moved out when I was 16 and never moved back to my mother’s house so I had free reign to do what I wanted without parental control. Now don’t judge because I didn’t turn out bad. I never had an addiction to anything but did at times get out of control with alcohol. I wasn’t the type that would get to the point where I couldn’t remember what happened.

Now what I don’t understand is why are people getting so addicted to prescription drugs?

Now I had said something previous about not judging. I am about to judge and I am going to justify why I am judging those who are addicted to drugs or alcohol. What is wrong with you people? Why do you want to have to continue to use a drug just so you don’t have to feel? I am sorry but there is no justification as to why you are addicted to a prescription drug that a physician didn’t prescribe to you. In the town that I live in there are old acquaintances that we know and use to be friends with who are so addicted to pills that you notice how deep they are into the drug. How does it make you feel that you allow a little pill to control your life? There is no reason why you should get so deep that you rob others, loose your children over, or why your lazy ass is setting on your ass doing nothing with your life. Why the hell are these drug dealers living better than me who works their ass off to become something? Why because there is no stopping them or drug cartels. I don’t care how much the Government tries to make We The People believe that they are truly battling this epidemic. Drugs have been around since man has evolved and will continue to be around. Smugglers are getting smarter by the minute and our government can't keep up with it.

I do understand those who had surgery and did become hooked on the drug but again there is no reason to continue using well after the surgery UNLESS you are in chronic pain. There are those people who have become dependent on it but there is a difference between being in pain and being dependent on something that drowned out feelings. Now I don't feel that I am better than the next person but I am most certainly better than those addicted to drugs.

What's your take on the subject? Leave me a comment.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

bright shinning stars and colorful skies

I have a big fascination with the sky and land. I find myself staring up to the sky in awe. Since working at the new job I get this view every morning that is just awe striking. I feel at peace when I go to my favorite place and hike. It's as if the weight of the world just lifts away. Today was a stressful day but once I step outside and take one breath of fresh air I am reminded that at times I take things for granted.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Bullying is a need for concern
Today at work majority of the students had to watch a segment from 48 hours.
Back in my day... wow did I really just say that.. I remember when my grammy use to say that lol.
When I went to school it wasn't like that. Yeah you got picked on but never to the point that you would tell people that they should just die or go kill yourself. It was sad to see that these young children were being treated with such cruelty. How is this generation being raised? I will be damned if either of my children are bullying another kid. I believe one problem lies with the School. It begins at school and because if a child tells on another it makes it worse. How are our children being protected against this? That lies with the Parents. If the Parents are not properly teaching their children how to respect other people and their feelings. As my mother always said "If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all." Who the hell do these children think they are? Telling other's that they're ugly, fat, skank, go kill yourself. There are far too many children who are committing suicide from the affects of the bullying.
What can we do to stop this? Rally against bullying! If your child is seeing someone else bully then report if nothing changes Report it to the News. There is so much that can be done to stop this. If the school is doing nothing to fix this begin a Parent Tree and get other parents on board. If that doesn't bring attention then begin a picket make notice to it. NO ONE should be afraid to report bullying!!!! Hate is too crude, I know that there will always be hate, love, and everything in between. No one likes to feel alone, and if your friends make you feel that way then they weren't your true friends after all.

It all begins with a united front!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

My 6 year bid

When I tell people how I have 2 baby daddies I get the "Your a hoe" look of disgust. I am not a hoe but I was stupid. I love both of my children and may very much despise both of their fathers but that was my doing and if I didn't have 2 loser baby daddies I wouldn't have 2 beautiful children and not have met the true man of my dreams. As Fate would have it I had to go through some crap before finding him.
Fate is a funny thing to happen if you pay attention to it. When I first moved to CT I had a few friends which I lost after moving to CT 4 months later because of the break up with Lexi's dad. After this Fate tried it's hand it connecting us but it obviously wasn't the right time. See I was lost for a bit after Lexi's dad and I broke it off. I had no one and nowhere to go but I had 1 person who tried to get me out of my funk, she invited me to this club but we had to take a modified school bus to get to Stars. This is where Jeremiah and I were in the same place at the same time but didn't connect. A few months later after I picked myself up and was on my own with a 1 year old and I was determined to not go back home to NNY. My mother begged me to come home but I wouldn't give in. I got a 3rd shift job, found some "friends," and had had it together. I will admit it was difficult, have you ever tried working a 3rd shift job and trying to sleep after work with a toddler? Yea it wasn't easy but obviously I muddled through.  Then I meet Logan's dad, I was looking for companionship and he was looking for more, it ended after a month but didn't last. After 5 months I had a surprise starting to bake. I was angry, couldn't understand how that could happen, 1 time without protection no that wasn't the cause of this, no no no it was much more devious than that. Hold onto that it will be explained.
So fast forward through the toxic relationship of abuse, arrest, and just all around deceiving. After 4 years of that crap I had moved my mom to CT but like all things that didn't last long. The day before Thanksgiving 2006 I made my holiday trip back home with a trailer in tow with my mom's items. I return back to CT and the first day back I had to go to work and I am checking over the new schedule and as Fate would have it Jeremiah is back. I was so mean to him and there really is no justification for my actions. For a month I paid him no attention, but one night I needed help with a web design page and a co-worker was going to help me but he would be at Jeremiah's house hanging out. Well well well I needed help and needed to hangout with people because my personal life outside of work was stressful and figured no harm no foul. So I went hung out go my homework done and went home around 1 (yes I do remember it like it was yesterday) and no nothing happened between Jeremiah and I as he had a girlfriend and I had a baby daddy. Well after months of a deceitful relationship with baby daddy #2 things had taken a twist and it was falling apart very quickly, more and more lies being pilled on until I found out the truth and snapped, see baby daddy #2 and I had been sleeping in separate rooms for a few month by then. Well the relationship with Jeremiah and I was strictly platonic. He was there for me when the entire thing fell apart. I moved out with both of my kids and ended that relationship.
I couldn't believe it happened again! I honestly believed that I wasn't meant to be with anyone. How could I have prevented this from happening again? Well Fate's gears began a turning and showed me that what I was feeling wasn't true. Here come's my night and shinning armor to the rescue.
He had already broken up with his girlfriend before this went down. He stood by my side, was there for the midnight breakdown's, and was the shinning star at work. He made me feel good about myself, treated me with the up most respect, showed me things I never knew existed. Now fast forward 6 years to this very moment in time... we have been through some things and experienced amazing things. We have had our ups and downs just like the rest but it is how it ends that makes me realize that he is perfect. When it's good we're amazing but when it's bad it's really bad. However because of these experiences it has made us stronger than before and no matter what is going on we will Prevail.

Can't explain it until you experience it

party bus action
Blinging wedding
my family
true love at it's best

Monday, October 22, 2012

School + work+ kids= my mind is just about gone

This is a short one...spent my evening face deep in school work.

Man I am not sure how I survived the last 2 months of class and today a new set of classes began which means I have 1 class left!!! Holy smokes I though this time would never come. I have been busting my butt to get my Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice. I should be glad to close that chapter but thanks to my cousin Ashley ( I would post the last name but she likes to change it more frequently than you can say Argentina) I decided that when I finish that last class in March that I am going to take spanish classes. It is funny that someone so young and barely know can influence me........ Well all I can say is when you see someone young who was taught right and truly knows what she wants and will allow no obstacle to get in the way it motivates you to want more and not just half ass it. I have always known what I wanted and I made it happen and with what Ashley has done has made me respect her more than just a cousin she is an example of how to take every opportunity given to you and live it to the fullest without taking for granted all the things around her. I have no regrets in life, everything that I have done was for a reason and was the right decision at the point in time. Faith is what I have and Karma is what I believe in.
                                                     ~Peace out~

Sunday, October 21, 2012


One thing that our parents tell us is never to lie. Right? Yet here they were the hypocrites. Our parents lied to us since the beginning. They lied about Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns, and any other fictitious characters that they dream up to get us to behave. I truly believed in all of the made up characters and when I found out that it was all fake I was crushed. When I had my own children I made them believe in the same things that I was told was a lie. Why do we do that to our children? We tell them not to lie but for years we hold true to these lies for years. When I finally told my daughter that none of that was real her reaction was "Ah man, great now that means that I don't get any more presents?" I explained to her that was not the case that the entire time I was buying the presents and just putting his name on it. She was relieved. Now for my son he figured it out before I told him because I had bought the Easter baskets when they were with me one time forgetting the my son didn't know.

Another thing that we do to our children...well at least I had done was tell my children hitting wasn't okay but yet when they were young and did something wrong I would spank them. I really don't understand why we do the things we do as parents. I guess it makes sense as to why we do it, we want our children to believe in the fairy tale of fictitious characters and then when the children get in deep we tell them that they need to stop believing in these things. I honestly don't know which is better; either to never let them believe or to let them believe and then lie to them.
I always liked Christmas morning when my kids would wake up and see all the presents under the tree and get so excited that some character left them gifts because they were on the nice list. The price we pay being parents, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Today marks a special day

It is my son's 9th birthday! 
His first picture

I still remember the day he was born. I had to be induced because like my first he was late and I wasn't going to go over like I did with my first. 

So that morning 10/20/03 I went into the hospital nice and early to begin the Pitocin. I was still pregnant and I was forced not to eat so when 12pm comes around I am starving. I was so uncomfortable in the first place because I gained 80lbs during the pregnancy so as big as I was it was difficult to move around in the hospital bed. They broke my water which was the weirdest thing to experience because it felt like I was peeing myself constantly. Which I most certainly could have since I had the epidural and couldn't feel anything. When you know it's time to push it's time to push and I knew because I started crying and the nurse comes in to tell me that there was no way I was ready to push yet, well I had news for her as I started to push because it's a natural instinct. My doctor was in the middle of another delivery when I began pushing but there was no turning back. With 3 pushes my little guy was out. Now this is where the happy moment turns to another scariest point in my life. My first child gave me a huge scare as she wasn't breathing but that is a story for another time.
Back to the birth of my one and only son.. I began hemorrhaging and Logan had several doctors around him as he came out and was loosing heat quickly. They placed him under these blue lights naked and while I am watching this I can't help but be dramatic and think that I was going to die before I held my son. The doctor begins working on me trying to control the bleeding, he has a nurse rush to get some medication with a huge needle, once she comes back he stabs me in the thigh. Thank goodness I couldn't feel it or else I would have slapped him lol. After a few more minutes the doctor finally has me under control however for Logan he still wasn't out of the woodwork. After 3 hours of being out of the womb I still hadn't held my only son, I begged to hold him and feed him as he hasn't had any food from me and I haven't been able to give him any formula. The Doctors agreed to let me hold him and feed him but they had to wrap him in 3 blankets and put a cute little blue hat on him and I got to feed him with one of the hospital bottles, but shortly after that I had to put him back under the lights for another hour. Finally I am now able to enjoy my little bundle of joy but that was short lived yet again because he began vomiting all of the formula that he was being given. All night long he projectile vomited all over the bed. I had to ask the nurses every 2 hours to bring me new bedding as well as new clothing for Logan. The next morning the doctor diagnoses him with a milk allergy and switches his formula. Lexi was finally able to meet her little brother at 1 day old, she couldn't help but smile nonstop. The first night home was the hardest because I spent 3 days in the hospital up nonstop with a crying and puking baby and I just needed sleep but Logan wouldn't let that happen. It didn't matter if his father was up with him he could wake the neighborhood. 

His first birthday

Now fast forward 9 years later. Wow my youngest is 9. This boy has given me a run for my money for 9 years and I expect another 9 years of him giving me a run for my money. I wouldn't change anything with my 2 most wonderful children. 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Stupid Dieting

I have been back and forth with dieting for a few years now. It works don't get me wrong but hot damn today at work all I have had shoved in my face is nothing but sweets!
Okay lets be honest I do like to diet and workout. I love how I feel after my workouts (Insane with Insanity). The one thing that I noticed is how my body responds to exercise, after a day or two I start to see results in the mirror and on the scale. My biggest downfall is myself, I am the reason why I fall off the workout wagon, then I begin a downward tumble until I hit the bottom and realized Shoot I have lost everything I worked for. I wasn't able to workout for a few months and that was justified by simply not having time however it didn't justify having a whole bag of Reeses Peanut Buttercups to my entire face!
One thing that I did notice after my first round of Insanity was the strict diet I put myself on worked too well. I restricted my carb and sugar intake, portioned my food, and substituted snack for water and Monsters. Well as it seemed that once I fell off the wagon and disregarded my diet I couldn't eat out of that diet, it made me so sick. I still can't have too much wheat, carb, and sugar so I have self diagnosed myself with a gluten intolerance. 
Insanity works for those who can handle it. I will stand by it as I lost 30lbs, 4 inches, and dropped 2 pants sizes ;'). And that was just the first round that I did. Since I haven't worked out in a few months I gained back 5 lbs and my not so loving love handles are back full force I have gone back to working out. I have made it my mission to not make excuses as to why my lazy butt can't workout that day!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

First time blogging

It is kind of funny that for such a long time I have wanted to blog or journal but there is this thing called laziness that restricted me from trying. I like to talk and at my current job there is no time for talking and when I get home all that seems to happen is I yell a lot because my kids can't seem to get along for the most minute things. So since I can't seem to find the time to talk to real people I figured I would talk to cyber people just like my cyber friends on Facebook. Perfect logic right? Well that's what I believe.
So here goes..............................
Today I had to go to a wake and it was one of the most uncomfortable things that I don't like to experience. The first time I had to go to a wake I was 15 and my cousin had passed. It was a very traumatic experience for me because the first time I saw him in his casket I swore up and down that I seen his chest move. I ran away because there was no way that it actually happened. The one way I can describe a wake is the sadness that is felt when walking in. I personally didn't know the person who just passed into the after life but I knew the mother. I suffer from anxiety so on my way there I was already starting to freak out because I don't like being in that situation. Needless to say I almost broke down twice just because of all the sadness around. I don't like feeling that nor seeing it. It is sad to know that someone was taken at such a young age. I left after paying my respects and it hasn't left my brain, I don't like seeing death. Come to think of it 15 was a bad year or me. I'll leave that alone for another blog. 
So on a positive note my son is going to be 9! Holy smokes batman! I am happy that he is getting older because that means it's getting closer to him leaving the nest! Yeah Buddy now that will be party time for this mama. bahaha. I know that a lot of people get sad when their children leave but this mama was a young stupid teen mom and missed out on living out the "college dream life" and now I am paying for it. I shouldn't be a 31 year old mother of 2 just getting my Bachelors degree. I really wish I would have listened and learned from what was going on around me and gone to college. I kick myself in the butt everyday for not having a career in place already. It is my mission to teach my kids the right way to do things so that they don't end up a statistic.