Wednesday, December 9, 2015


I have reached my 1 month anniversary as a case manager! So much has happened in the last month. I have met new people, new clients, new tasks. I am still learning. I am learning about the position and the people. 

I have to keep my guard up because people are shady. I recently read this meme " A listening ear is a running mouth." I have to remember this motto because it tends to get me into trouble. When I believe someone has good intentions and really wants to be my friend I quickly find out that is not the case.  I have to be guarded against new people. 

When I am around new people I am very reserved. I like to people watch just to get a vibe of who they really are. You never truly know how someone is until you've known them for at least a year and even then people change. Some people change in good ways and others change in bad way. You may find someone who you thought you truly knew ends up being the most shadiest person you'll ever meet. You may realize you're best friend has betrayed you and you can't look at that person the same ever again. 

Betrayal is one of the hardest feelings to over come. Once you have felt betrayed you build this wall against everyone. You don't know who to trust or who to believe is there for you. You over analyze everything to make sure you don't get hurt in the end. I have had my fair share of betrayal and it was and still is hard to rid myself of that feeling. I am guilty of over analyzing everything because of my past. I have been through some crazy situations. Many of my relationships end because of betrayal. That is one feeling that I will never be able to forgive and forget. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

How can everything seem to be coming together and yet feel as though my life is falling apart?

I am finally in the position I need to fulfill the requirement needed to qualify for the Federal Probation office.

I should be happy but I can't help this feeling that something just isn't right. The new position is different and working with different people. Some of the people I just can't get a gage on. Some days I feel like the outsider and others I feel as though I am accepted.

It could just be the stress of everything else that has blurred my happiness or it could be the damn holidays

I am beginning to dislike the holidays more and more every year. I am sick of stressing out over what the plans are going to be, what to get the kids, and where to put the damn tree.

I seemed to have lost faith in believing everything will work out.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Oh you know the New Year New Beginning thing

It has been a while since my last blog. I miss being able to write down my thoughts. So much has happened in the past year. I am closer to finishing my Master's Degree. I am not allowing people to attempt to run my life any longer. I am going back to the person I enjoyed most. The person who followed the motto Everything Happens For A Reason. All the crap that has happened in the pass 6 months with my car had me stressed out of my mind to the point I was in constant argument with my husband over Stress is the root of all evil.

Happy New Year!!!

As we embark on the New Year beginnings I begin to wonder why do we celebrate New Year and have this need to get completely obliterated by the nights end?
Why do we "make" New Years resolutions only to never stick to that promise of change year after year?
We all know those who say "oh this is my year," "my resolution is going to the gym," "I am going to start eating healthy" just to never follow through. There are those who go to the gym religiously only to find as the New Year approaches the fitness gym is overflowed with these "new comers" which make their gym routines stressful.
I haven't made a New Years resolution in a long time because I know if I make this grand promise to myself only knowing after a month I will have broken my promise to myself. Each year begins and my hope is for my family and friends to be healthy.
This year is no different than the last. Life will have its ups and downs. If you chose to change yourself you can't make an excuse as it must be for New Years.
You want to change you must want to change that day. NO EXCUSES.
One thing I am guilty of is I start on my quest to a new me  only to fail 3 week later. I have been successful in eating healthier and getting my fitness on track. I realized why I fail often is because I take on too much, make excuses, and eat excessively. I know what I need to do to get back on track and I am going to do it. Not because its New Years but because I want to be healthy. I want to be fit.

I want to be Happy. I am going to be Happy. I will be Happy and no one is going to rain on my parade. I am the only one who can change myself for the better. I am the only one who can control my actions. I am a Spartan! Hear me roar!!!