Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Life is just crazy

Things are just nuts and I am not sure how much more I can take.....I hate to dwell on all the nonsense however this is my only outlet. 

With school, kids, work, internship, life, family, car, and everything else there are times where I just don't want to continue this uphill battle any more. I am sick of always trying to get to where I want to be and still not succeeding. I don't have regrets but man do I wish I would of been smart enough to go through college and get a career earlier than this. I am just sick of feeling I am treading water and still not getting anywhere. I know eventually I will get there but I had a plan...the first time I have ever had a plan......and my plans have still fallen apart. 

My little sister was in a rough spot and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help. I felt like a piece of crap because I couldn't help. I hate being in that position. I would give my last penny to anyone who needed it even if I needed it more. I hate watching others fall apart and there isn't a thing I could do to fix it or stop her pain. I hated it. Every day I would message her and her responses were had the feeling of depression. Every day waking up dreading the worst text or phone call imagined. 

I know there are people out there who's problems are worse than mine but for me and many others there is only so much one person can take. Not everyone has the support from friends or family needed to get through the tough times. I am grateful for every person in my life. Even today I had people messaging me letting me know if I need anything to message them while Jeremiah is away. 

I am grateful for this break with Jeremiah. With him laid off and me stressed out it causes problems. We argue more now than when he is working. One thing we never argue about is money because that is one thing that causes more problems. The main thing we argue about is how we parent the kids. That is something we are working on because I yell a lot and he is trying to help me with that. He has been getting the kids up for school, making me breakfast and lunch so I am not late for work, he helps the kids with homework, and has the kids go to him for any needs instead of coming to me when I am trying to get my homework done. 

The hardest thing right now is this stupid weather. I need sunshine and warmth at least then I will be able to go for a hike to clear my head. I love to be in the woods with the long as there are no ticks lol

~Happy Reading~

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

my mind is running in circles

There comes a point when I just want to throw in the towel
I am so negative, everything just seems to set me off
I don't want to be bothered by anyone or anything

There comes a point when I just want to run away
I get so tired of trying to get what I want
I don't want to continue the fight anymore

There comes a point when I wish all the drama would just disappear
I can't handle everything anymore
I don't want to continue to figure out how to make things work

There comes a point when I have to let go
I am sick of trying to make everyone else happy
I don't want to try anymore

There comes a point when I have to say enough is enough
I can't continue to walk the same path with no changes
I don't want to continue to feel guilty for things I can not change

When does it end?

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

My crazy life

I have been spending more time on homework than I have ever before.

I spent my entire weekend doing homework, including on Super Bowl Sunday. I don't like feeling like I have homework hanging over my head.

I have been stressed out to the max over homework. I spent the weekend writing a paper, since Monday was a snow day I was determined to plow through my last 6 pages to get that paper out of the way. All I have left is to proof read my paper.....or I can have the hubby read it for me.

Speaking of my favorite hubby he makes me breakfast for me every morning and if I am running late he will make my lunch. He still can't make dinner to save his life lol but at least he tries. He knows that when I am stressed out over school he will do everything in his power to alleviate the stress that I am under. If kids need to be picked up from school, Lexi needs to be taken to dance, or help with homework, Jeremiah is there to assist.

The one thing that I love about our relationship is that he is there for me when I am stressed out because of homework. There are time where we argue because I am stressed out but the best thing about our relationship is how we get over the argument. We are able to get past our argument quickly after the issue. One thing we don't argue about is money, however one thing that we always argue about is politics. I don't like arguing about politics because everyone has their opinion on the matter and no matter what you say they will uphold that opinion. So when the news is on and he starts yelling at the television I change the channel to VH1, since everyone loves music it makes the morning run smoothly and is calmer.

I freaking love Jeremiah. He completes me. Without him I would be lost, he is my soul mate and I am glad to have him in mine and the kids life.

7 years of love & almost 6 months of marriage

4-Ever & Always