Sunday, March 16, 2014

Fed up

I can only take being pushed away for so long. I know people deal with things differently than others however being avoided can only be taken for so long. I know when I am down I don't ignore my friends who reach out to see if I am okay.

I don't get how people can have a life changing event happen in their life and tell me long after the fact and then wonder why I get pissed off.

I'm sick of feeling guilty when I can't see family, yet no one goes out of their way to come see me. I've lived in CT for 12 years and very few family members came to our wedding let alone come visit but they have no problem driving past to go to neighboring states.

I hate not having family around when I need them, I hate being the last person to be informed of things or having to find out things through Facebook, I hate that the only way I talk to them is if I take the initiative to contact them. Fuck I have a busy life and yet I have no problem when someone messages me I message back.

It is getting to the point where I don't want to try anymore. It is evident that if I don't try then there is no communication. Why do I always have to feel guilty when I say I am fed up and I am not going to waste my time when they won't take the time to go out of their way to contact me?

I haven't spoken to my mother in 3 years. No by my doing. I have tried to reach out and connect with her but she refuses to speak to me. Yet I still feel a certain way when it isn't my doing.  How can a mother refuse to speak to her children? The answer is always it is the children's fault because they have done this or that to her, yet never what has been done. The reason we aren't talking is over something so freaking stupid, and yet I can't share anything that has happened in the past 3 years with the person who raised me. Graduating, getting married, kids

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

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