I don't know what gives. One minute I am high on life and love everything about my life and the next I have this odd feeling and not sure what to make of it.
Is it stress?
Is it depression?
Could it be that I hadn't worked out for a week and haven't been eating healthy?
Is it my menstrual cycle?
It could quite possibly be all of the above.
I talked to my Grammy today and that made me feel good. I need to get home to see my family asap. I sent her a photo book of our wedding and that was the first thing we talked about. I miss my Grammy but with the way things are looking I may not be able to make it home for a while. It breaks my heart that I can't go see her whenever I want too. She maybe the one and only person who truly understands why I had to leave. We talk about where my life would have gone if I stayed....it wasn't promising.
I don't regret leaving, if I didn't leave I wouldn't be where I am now.........struggling to get into a career. I think that is where all my stress is lying at right now. The fight of the unknown. I put in 100% to get what I want but there are times where it is out of my hands. I don't make a plan B because I want to know if plan A pans out and goes in the right direction, if not I plan for B. I know what I want and where I want to be in life.
I love my life and where I am at the current moment however it isn't where I want to be.
Can I manage a full time job, full time school, and do an internship? All the while being a mom and a wife?
Im good at school but I am afraid that I am piling too much on my plate and I will get down on myself if I don't have good grades. The internship is only for a short while but the question I am struggling with is should I jump to try to do the internship now or wait a year? I don't want to pass up the opportunity while I have the chance and since I will be fresh into classes I should be able to juggle it all.........Right????
I think I need a good cry
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