With school, kids, work, internship, life, family, car, and everything else there are times where I just don't want to continue this uphill battle any more. I am sick of always trying to get to where I want to be and still not succeeding. I don't have regrets but man do I wish I would of been smart enough to go through college and get a career earlier than this. I am just sick of feeling I am treading water and still not getting anywhere. I know eventually I will get there but I had a plan...the first time I have ever had a plan......and my plans have still fallen apart.
My little sister was in a rough spot and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help. I felt like a piece of crap because I couldn't help. I hate being in that position. I would give my last penny to anyone who needed it even if I needed it more. I hate watching others fall apart and there isn't a thing I could do to fix it or stop her pain. I hated it. Every day I would message her and her responses were had the feeling of depression. Every day waking up dreading the worst text or phone call imagined.
I know there are people out there who's problems are worse than mine but for me and many others there is only so much one person can take. Not everyone has the support from friends or family needed to get through the tough times. I am grateful for every person in my life. Even today I had people messaging me letting me know if I need anything to message them while Jeremiah is away.
I am grateful for this break with Jeremiah. With him laid off and me stressed out it causes problems. We argue more now than when he is working. One thing we never argue about is money because that is one thing that causes more problems. The main thing we argue about is how we parent the kids. That is something we are working on because I yell a lot and he is trying to help me with that. He has been getting the kids up for school, making me breakfast and lunch so I am not late for work, he helps the kids with homework, and has the kids go to him for any needs instead of coming to me when I am trying to get my homework done.
The hardest thing right now is this stupid weather. I need sunshine and warmth at least then I will be able to go for a hike to clear my head. I love to be in the woods with the trees...as long as there are no ticks lol
~Happy Reading~
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