Friday, March 8, 2013

What to do when you have a friend who breaks up with their boyfriend just to hook back up days later?

We all have experienced this with our friends or ourself.

I have experienced it as the friend and the one who made their friends suffer through it too. I have been the one there for my friends when their man treats them badly and when they break up your the one the friend turns to and you say "Good for you, you don't need him anymore, you can do way better, never liked him anyways" don't those sound familiar. Yup because I have said those exact words before.

Then they get back together............................
Like what the heck is that about? Weren't you just bashing him saying that he was a no good loser?

Now your the no good friend that is trying to brainwash the girl friend. Now you watch as your pulls away from you more and more until they are non-existant.
You were best of friends, nothing could tear you apart, you were inseparable and now this..this is the one thing that tears you apart....a guy... Don't worry everyone has been there and gone through it at one point in your life.

So what do you do?
How do you fix it?
How can you take back everything you said when she was broken so that she is your friend again?

Nothing, usually once the damage is done there is no going back and fixing things again. Now your the one left hurt and broken, you still run into her every now and again but avoids is probably one of the most hurtful situations to be in.

The other way it can go is when it is the first time the break up happens and you still remain friends you  learn very quickly that there will be a next time and you learn to not say anything about him you just sit back and listen......don't say a word....let her vent and when they get back together again you just sit and wait for the next time to be there as the shoulder to cry on. At some point there will be a difficult decision to make and it will be "When will enough be enough, when will you stop being the shoulder to cry on?" That is a decision you will struggle with. Do you want to be the reason a friendship ends? Do you want to constantly be the one to lean on?

I have never ended a friendship over another guy. I have been the friend who was there saying that they could do better. I learned my lesson that very first time and when they broke up again I kept my mouth shut and ignored the drama that would fill up on Facebook or listening to others gossip about the break up. Too many people can't handle the truth when it comes to relationships and they sure as hell don't want to be the Fool who takes the dirtbag back....its what they do next that baffles me the most...THEY DEFEND HIM!! Then comes "Thanks guys for all the support but it was a misunderstanding..It's my fault not his... Sounds familiar????

I know it does because I have said those words to my friends and I have heard those words from my friends.

Now for those who are the ones that constantly break up with their bfs and then run to your friends and bitch about how horribly he treated you and then in the next breath your back with him again. Do you ever think how toxic that relationship is? Not only for you but for others around you when your posting it all over Facebook and calling all your gfs telling them that your done with his bs and you deserve better. Think of how many times you have done this.....think of those shoulder's you've cried on....all those people who stood beside you when he broke your heart...and then you run right back to him. I am no relationship expert however I an an expert in toxic relationships. I have traveled down that road and back. I had one friend in particular her name is Jamie, she was there for me when I was punched in the face by the one person who I thought truly loved me, she went to the hospital with me, was there with me when they thought my cheek bone was broken, and she brought me home and was there for me again. I was one of those people who went right back to him even after he threatened my life. It wasn't the first relationship that was toxic but it was the first relationship that I couldn't hide the toxic effects. She watched and shook her head at me while I continued down that horrible path, but I believed it would be wasn't. I used the same excuses that other girls do, "But he loves me, he is my baby's daddy and I can't leave him, He promised to never do it again, It was my fault." I have gone as far as lying to the police when they show up for a domestic disturbance calls. That's how twisted I was.
One thing I was great at was pushing buttons to the point that it would end in a fist fight. That is no excuse for the repercussions of my actions. No man should ever put their hands on a woman no matter how much you push them.

My advice is when you are in a toxic relationship it's okay to lean on others however there comes a point where you need to stop leaning on others bitching about how horrible your relationship is but yet you stay with them. You will find the right one when you leave the wrong one. I learned that when I was a single mother of two children. I honestly believed I was't meant to be with anyone, how could someone want to be with a single mother of two children. There are so many woman who believe the same as I did and let me tell you something..there is someone out there who will treat you do deserve can leave and be on your own. Being on your own is tough and scary, I did it when my daughter's father and I split. It was hard, especially when I had a 1 year old and working nights. I did it though and relied on no one to support me financially.

I have been through a lot and have struggled to get to where I am now. Now I am a strong woman, I will be graduating with my second degree in May while being a full time mommy and holding a full time job while going to school full time, and will be marrying my prince charming in August. Don't ever say you can't unless you've tried, don't say your life is tough because there is always someone else's life who is living a tougher life. Think about the choices you've made and the choice's you'll face because your the one who has to live with them.

~Peace Out~

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