Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Guilty Conscience

I am one of those people who always have a guilty conscience about things I do.

For instance any time I indulge in candy (too much candy) I feel guilty for doing it
Eating a bag of chips, cheese-its, ice cream, anything in the junk food category
Eating pizza
Not working out
Spending too much money
Not wanting to do a damn thing except play my new Call of Duty:Ghost game
Not wanting to cook
Not wanting to clean
Would rather take a ride on my bike than workout
Buying myself something and not anyone else
Being rude for no reason
Yelling at my kids for some unknown reason
Not wanting to take the dogs for a hike when I can take the bike out
I even feel guilty for putting myself before the kids and Jeremiah
Wanting to shut myself in my bedroom and not be bothered

But when I do any of the above I feel guilty after doing them
I do the self hate
I beat myself down
Cause myself to hit a downward spiral of depression
Stress myself out because I dwell on all the wrong things that I have been doing

Yet I know eating that chip will cause me to continue to eat more because I don't make the conscience choice to make the first change. Instead of going for the snack cupboard, just making that choice to go to the fridge and get an fruit, veggies w/hummas, or even popcorn would make me not falter into that same evil pattern.

I know that eating that one unhealthy thing will cause me to continue to eat unhealthy and then I complain because I have gain 8 lbs since my wedding. I have to be that strict diet person who has to weigh themselves every day because that's how I know if I am doing everything right. I can't just have that one cheat day because when I have that craving before my cheat day comes I cave and then I have 2 cheat days. I can't have just a handful of chips because I don't have the willpower to just stop at that. I know how to lose the weight, eat right, and stick to my workout schedule but why is it I can't just stick with it long enough to hit my goal weight?

That my friends is the question I always ask myself.

I know what I need to do but yet I can't just do it to my goal weight. My first time doing Insanity I stuck with it, lost 30lbs and 4 inches of just my waist. I was determined to continue to lose. I switched up my workout, tried different workouts (Zumba, p90x, Jillian Michaels, Bob Harper, 3 more rounds of Insanity, alternating each workout different days) yet I still have been yo-you dieting for the past year.

Is it truly stress that when I feel like I am so completely wound up too thigh that my diet and workout is the first to go? Sometimes that is how I feel. Sticking with the same schedule day in and day out gets boring. I would rather take my bike out than workout and then I promise myself that the next day I will work out 2x as hard and then its another nice day and I call my friend Jamie and we take the bikes out for a ride.

Well my friends I am going to do this new workout program Focus T25. It is another line from
Shawn T (Insanity creator) however the workout is 25 minutes. There should be no excuse as to why I don't have the time to workout. It seems like a perfect plan and I know there are going to be times that I can't commit but I shouldn't let that be an excuse to continue to give up.

School is right around the corner so lets hope that I can continue to do it all! Thumbs up!!! :)

I mean who wouldn't want to change their schedule to ride these Bitches

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