Thursday, October 18, 2012

First time blogging

It is kind of funny that for such a long time I have wanted to blog or journal but there is this thing called laziness that restricted me from trying. I like to talk and at my current job there is no time for talking and when I get home all that seems to happen is I yell a lot because my kids can't seem to get along for the most minute things. So since I can't seem to find the time to talk to real people I figured I would talk to cyber people just like my cyber friends on Facebook. Perfect logic right? Well that's what I believe.
So here goes..............................
Today I had to go to a wake and it was one of the most uncomfortable things that I don't like to experience. The first time I had to go to a wake I was 15 and my cousin had passed. It was a very traumatic experience for me because the first time I saw him in his casket I swore up and down that I seen his chest move. I ran away because there was no way that it actually happened. The one way I can describe a wake is the sadness that is felt when walking in. I personally didn't know the person who just passed into the after life but I knew the mother. I suffer from anxiety so on my way there I was already starting to freak out because I don't like being in that situation. Needless to say I almost broke down twice just because of all the sadness around. I don't like feeling that nor seeing it. It is sad to know that someone was taken at such a young age. I left after paying my respects and it hasn't left my brain, I don't like seeing death. Come to think of it 15 was a bad year or me. I'll leave that alone for another blog. 
So on a positive note my son is going to be 9! Holy smokes batman! I am happy that he is getting older because that means it's getting closer to him leaving the nest! Yeah Buddy now that will be party time for this mama. bahaha. I know that a lot of people get sad when their children leave but this mama was a young stupid teen mom and missed out on living out the "college dream life" and now I am paying for it. I shouldn't be a 31 year old mother of 2 just getting my Bachelors degree. I really wish I would have listened and learned from what was going on around me and gone to college. I kick myself in the butt everyday for not having a career in place already. It is my mission to teach my kids the right way to do things so that they don't end up a statistic. 

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