Christmas sorrows

By far the worst Christmas I have ever had.

I have lived in CT for almost 11 years now and I've never felt this way during the holidays.
It is hard not having family around or any family that cares to be around.
Every Christmas my kids leave by 10 am to their father's to spend time with them and normally it doesn't affect me but today it has been really hard.
We usually do something for Christmas and this year the plans fell through so I have been sitting home all day and my Christmas lunch was soup, which was delicious however it was no ham, potatoes and gravy, rolls, and pie.
Jeremiah isn't even affected by the fact that we have nowhere to spend Christmas.
Last year we decided to drive to NY Christmas morning and what a joke that was.
So instead of working out today I have decided to cry away my sorrows.
I took down all the Christmas decorations as soon as we got home from dropping off the kids to their dad's, which is something that I do every year after the kids leave so that I can unclutter my living room. It gets crowded during the winter with the stack of wood, tree, and furniture.

Well even tough I am depressed I will move on to it's just another day..................................................

Well after I initially wrote this I went to the store and got some Ben & Jerry's and movies from Red Box came home went to my room and started watching movies and had a good cry.

Jeremiah realized that something was wrong and came to talk to me but all I did was keep crying. Now let me remind you I never cry. Its not that I am a hard ass (well I am) but for some reason I don't get emotional and cry.

Like I said it never affected me that I couldn't visit during the holidays because I always visit every year so I don't understand why I was all emotional. Maybe early menopause?? I mean I am only 31 but it could be possible.